its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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