I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
