I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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