I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
