Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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