Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
