Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
