I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
