I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
