got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
