You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
how drunk are you?
Several
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
