i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
