i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
