I wish they made helmets for livers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
