hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
