i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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