Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
