just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
COCAINE IS GR8
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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