never play flip cup with pint glasses
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
