This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
