who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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