I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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