Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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