hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
