It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize