The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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