he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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