I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Shame - the story of my life.
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