new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
