I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.