He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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