i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
