ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
