The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
