JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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