Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
