she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
