drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
