My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just had sex on a roof
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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