If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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