And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
