theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
