Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
