So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
