It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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