Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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