i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
