Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
