for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love accidental penises.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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