if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
