i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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