He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
