do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
