He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize