i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
