Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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