um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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