I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
