Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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