How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
