my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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