My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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