Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
