it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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