She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
