New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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