My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
