We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
