i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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