In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
