Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
