It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
