So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
