he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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