the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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